My beautiful child, from the moment you took your first breath, I knew my heart belonged to you.
As you learned to nurse, I saw your frustration when you couldn’t latch on right away, but I didn’t give up on you. You learned with practice and the determination of a hungry child.
When you learned to tie your shoes, you worked with the same intensity, even though you failed many times before you got it right. I didn’t give up on you, I gave you choices and you chose the wrap around method instead of the bunny ears. You repeated the action over and over until you were satisfied you got it right.
When you learned to ride a bike, I held on to the back and ran with you. You practiced and practiced with my help, until you were balanced and steady. I let the bike go and you fell down more than a time or two. But I didn’t give up on you. I watched from the window while you peddled through the soft grass and finally got brave enough to try the pavement. You fell and you got back up.
When you began to drive. I gritted my teeth and pressed my foot nearly through the passengers side floor board. I grabbed the wheel a time or two when we nearly hit the ditch, but I didn’t give up on you. My heart skipped a few beats the first time you drove off alone. You buckled your seat belt and drove away like you had been driving for years.
Now that your struggle is much harder, giving up seems like an easier option. It is what many people do. It’s what many “experts” instructed me to do. But, they don’t know me, that’s not the kind of mom I am or the kind of mom I wish to be.
No, my beautiful child in pain, I will not give in to the demands of your disorder. I will not give up on you. I will let go of the outcome. I will accept that I cannot choose recovery for you, but I can give you choices. I cannot prevent you from relapsing, but I can help you up when you fall. My heart still belongs to you, so I will not give up on you. I believe in you. I know you can get up every time you fall. I will love you, through relapse and in recovery. I will love you with boundaries and an open heart, because that is the mom I choose to be.
– This blog is based on BALM® Principle 3, It is important to let go without giving up or giving in. To learn more about the BALM® and how it can help families, send me a message. I would love to talk to you about it.